Cosmo Jarvis: "I thought it was a magic wand!!?"

Sound Screen scribe Rebecca Douglas-Home sat down with New Jersey’s new toy Cosmo Jarvis recently to talk about his debut self-titled album, filmmaking and how Jessica Alba saved his life.

Q. So what’s all this about gay pirates then?

Cosmo: “It’s a song about what I thought homosexual men may have had to endure during the time when pirates were bad ass motherfuckers. What I like to call the ‘galleon days’. I thought long and hard about what it must have been like to be the only homoesque man on a ship full of straight nefarious sea farers. I also though about what I’d feel if I was stuck on a ship with a man I loved very deeply and wasn’t able to express myself without fear of the plank. The homophobe captain is a very important character in the song. It was a deliberate choice to produce the song how I did, I wanted to make it catchy, in a patriotic sounding, testosterone fuelled way, but also retain in the melody that it was a song about a great wrong doing to the character.
“Singing and that this chant was his last and only proud but futile stand against the ship that not only prevented true love from lasting, but also was responsible for the execution of two of its crew members who had found it. I love watching people in the audience, who I know would think nothing of ripping a gay man, singing along to this song. I wanted them to forget about what gay was. The point of it is, even though the wrong that has been committed against my character is seen by many as being insignificant because of the nature and sexuality of the man singing it, People are still capable of singing, understanding, sympathising and perhaps even fighting in protest of his misfortune.” 

Q. Was your debut always intended as a double album?

Cosmo: “No. It was going to be one disc. I insisted, against advice, that there be as many songs as possible because I wanted to get them out so they weren’t following me around anymore (so I could move on). As well as some of my older songs, there were also many new ones of an entirely different intention. The two disc thing was to break the different tones of music to people in a more manageable and organised way so that if one day they wanted to listen to my music, just for playing in the background, they wouldn’t be bombarded with the rapidly expanding lime scale of my mind. If, however, they wanted to really listen to something without melodic hooks for the sake of melodic hooks and less plainly presented subject matter, they could find it without song-shifting.”

Q. A number of songs on Humasyouhitch are dedicated to the ladies in your life, any repercussions so far?

Cosmo: “No. I am still friends with Mel. I haven’t seen Kate in a while, like too say hi. Maxine I see from time to time, wave. “ 

Q. Any closer to getting Jessica Alba’s number?

Cosmo: “Maybe. I want to make the video for that song soon, got it storyboarded. I need 20 minutes with her to shoot. all over her face and hair… That was a humorous remark. No, really though, I’m trying to get her in the video. Someone in L.A knows someone who knows someone who does someone’s hair whose knows someone who knows her. Maybe… Just maybe. Everyone is cast but her. She really did save my life though.”

Jarvis: "Yeah, guys, this is really funny.. I get it okay.. now stop taking pictures and untie me!"

Cosmo: “I barely lived in New Jersey. I moved to Plymouth very, very young. I have got tons of family over there though. I’ve never felt very British though anyway. I think the slightly darker skin I have is from an Armenian heritage, but in Devon that warranted names like Paki and brownie at school. I think it’s because most of my social education was from a man who hates this country, a woman who came from New Jersey with Armenian parents (both travelled a shitload), American music, American Movies and T.V. and that’s about it. I’m not easily indoctrinated though. From what I’ve seen from my 19 years in this country I think the police are shit (mostly there are still a few respectable, educated, ‘old-school’ ones left, but they’re dying out), the laws are shit, the sitcoms are shit, This indie brit shit fad is shit, the education is shit (kids in china know what I knew about science after secondary school when they finish their equivalent to primary education), the porn is shit, the attitude of many of the people here is shit (this I’m patriotic about Britain but only because I’m thick and It gives me an excuse to say and do what I want’-mentality. The health care is pretty much shit, but free so that’s OK I guess. As a diabetic with pre-existing condition, in the states, I’d be fucked. I’m speaking generally of course. It’s alright here. I just don’t get why rich people would ever buy a house here. Texas baby!”

Q. You use your friends as actors in your homemade music videos, how did this start out?

Cosmo: “I never had budgets. I started out really bullying them into it. But gradually they realised that they could look great on screen and were actually pretty talented. I got bored of making them on my own. Sometimes the performance of a non-actor is exactly what I want. Recently though, I have been able to offer them some cash.”

Q. What triggered the collaboration with Mark Jones?

Cosmo: “Well, it was a dark night in the middle of January. I was in a urinal in Barcelona. Mark walks in humming ‘too lost in you’ by the Sugababes. We pissed together; sing the chorus out loud, the shook hands (without washing). From then on he has been like the big brother/pain in the ass I never had.”

What does a Cosmo Jarvis fan look like?

Cosmo: “An empty room.”

Cosmo Jarvis – ‘Mel’s Song’

How is the touring going so far, any highlights?

Cosmo: “There was one in Tadcaster, nearly 20 ft. outside the GAP…”

Dare devil, filmmaker, songwriter. What’s next for Cosmo Jarvis?

Cosmo: “Music, movies, acting, soundtracks, got a documentary planned about a local Plymouth band and I have a bunch of short films I’m currently working on, and more planned. Including one film I’m directing about a guy whose 20 but has barley seen daylight cos his mums a mental case who blames him for a car accident that killed his father many years ago. He lives in the naughty room (which is a bathroom) with blocked up windows. He makes friends with a caner teenager from next door, when he loses a joint in the crazy mother’s garden. The boy in the naughty room hears the children outside playing and wants nothing more than to go out, but his mother won’t let him. The boy next door pisses his life away smoking weed. And tries to educate the very screwed up 20 year old, with the mental age of a 11 year old, about how life is.
Some students from Bournemouth uni are gonna be working on it with me. Need to cast some parts still though. I am still just recording songs generally. I guess I’ll just skip between the two until my potential as a Jedi is realised.”

Cosmo Jarvis embarks on a UK tour this week:  

12th November – London Notting Hill Arts Club (Yoyo)
17th November – Southampton Hamptons
18th November – Truro Wig & Pen
19th November - St. Agnes Taphouse
20th November – London Wimbledon Watershed
24th November – London Water Rats
25th November – Reading Oakford Social
27th November – Chelmsford Bar House (Club NME)

Cosmo Jarvis (the album) is out now via Wall of Sound