Bella to Edward: "don't look so sad Eddie, I'll make you sausages for tea tomorrow night!"

Cast: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Michael Sheen
Director: Chris Weitz
Screenwriter: Melissa Rosenberg

The Twilight Saga: New Moon, part two in the big-screen adaptation of Stephenie Meyer’s hugely successful young adult fantasy series, arrives with the kind of furore that hasn’t been seen since, well since the franchise kicked off last year, truth be told. Robert Pattinson, who plays the series’ hunky vamp Edward, is a gossip column regular and magazine cover star, and the franchise has gone stratospheric, the best-selling novel series transmorphing into a international movie phenomenon. Beloved by ‘Twihards’ it may be, the first movie was less favourably received by critics though, so are those niggling issues that dogged the first film – dodgy effects, a central couple that lack chemistry, the staunch promotion of abstinence – still present this time round? Well, yes and no.

Things kick off back in Forks, Washington, Bella and Edward are item-ed up, but not for long. After a birthday celebration for Bella goes a little awry when one of the Cullens, the town’s resident vampires (they don’t feast on humans mind), loses control after a paper cut drops human blood on the floor. Before you can say “don’t go!” Edward and family have upped sticks and moved on, leaving a distraught Bella to pick up the pieces. She’s not all alone though, local lad Jacob comes to her aid, the blossoming friendship helping her regain her strength and forge ahead but only before, as is ever the case, it complicates things further by throwing a love triangle into the mix. But how could a regular country boy like Jacob compete with the vamp Edward? Well, easy as it happens, because he is a werewolf. Descended from a long line of shapeshifters, his new identity comes with a price – it is these hairy-backed beasts who’re responsible for protecting people from the vampires out there who haven’t taken it upon themselves to swear off the tasty human flesh. And there’s one of them, Victoria, out there after Bella. As if that wasn’t enough, Bella then learns that Edward’s life hangs in the balance and that she might be the only one who can save him, taking the franchise on an international break to Italy, a refreshing break from the mud and rains and the Pacific Northwest.

First things first, there’s been a change behind the camera since last time, director Catherine Hardwicke stepping aside to make way for Chris Weitz (flying solo from directing partner and brother Paul, who has been busying himself with his own vampire flick The Vampire’s Assistant: Cirque Du Freak, which really isn’t that great), and there is a noticeable jump in budget too. Not the be all and end all, but when a pack of werewolves are called for to defend Forks from vamp-attack, some FX would probably be called upon. It works well too, the lycan-boys shifting from bare-chested pec fests to hairy wolfies with the aid of some slick and impressive CG work, although they are some of the cuddliest ‘wolf monsters’ to have been seen big screen for a while. It is much more of an ensemble piece too with a more rounded cast adding breadth to the tale which had been almost exclusively Bella and Edward before, particularly the ‘Will they/won’t they? Can they/should they?’ shenanigans. There is a greater emotional depth to the tale too now, with Bella’s grieving for the lost of a first love presented as the painful and all encompassing experience it can be. However Weitz, who’s CG- experience on The Golden Compass stands him in good stead with the werewolves, struggles to inject the fresh blood (ahem) that the series, already even after only one film, so sorely needed.

Storytelling has never been either the films’ nor the books’ strong point, and Melissa Rosenberg’s script for New Moon is both perfunctory and painfully rudimentary to say the least (the film opens with Bella quoting Romeo and Juliet, cuts to her awaking in bed with a copy of the play on the pillow, before the kids get shown the play in school exasperatingly highlighting the ‘star-crossed lovers’ themes for all an sundry). While it may boast fidelity to the source material, it is guilty of lacking suspense and direction as it wallows in Bella’s pain even failing to enliven things with the Washington arrival of vampiric threats. One problem the film faced was that Edward, the object of Bella’s and much of the audience’s attraction, is in exile for the duration, a hitch rectified by having Pattinson smoulder his way though flashbacks and as an apparition that Bella sees and interacts with as he offers up words of advice like a pale-skinned Obi-Wan. Weitz adds some colourful flourishes – a time lapse scene with Bella sitting wistfully in her bedroom, watching the seasons pass outside the window is a nice touch – but is saddled with a meandering story that goes nowhere, and doesn’t even get there particularly fast.

The main hurdle the film never makes it past is the relationship between Bella and Edward. We are asked to believe them as a couple destined for each others arms, yet they never appear to even share a moment of joy of happiness – they’re in agony when they’re apart yet seemingly experience similar anguish together – which makes the love triangle difficult to buy into.  Jacob’s increased presence brings a welcome respite from the pained expressions and doomed romance, the arrival of the Volturi, the Italy-based ‘headquarters’ of the vampire hierarchy gives Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning room to scene-steal as none-more evil red-eyed undead. Even giving minor characters screentime, particularly Bella’s squeamish admirer Mike (Michael Welsh), kicks some fun into the show every now and then, yet still for the most part it is dour and joyless.

So does it really preach abstinence to young folk? You could argue either way (although Jacob and his werewolf pack are the latest ones forced to resist their innermost urges lest not ‘bad things’ happen) but what is less debatable is the depiction of the highly un-emancipated Bella. Her personality and actions shaped exclusively by those she lusts after and the fate of said relationships, she is defined solely be the men in her life which leaves this franchise depressingly old-fashioned, only with, you know, vampires and werewolves. Ultimately, it does little other than prove that there is unmistakable truth in the old adage that you can make a bad film from a good script but you can’t make a good film from a bad script. Twihards will love it though.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon is out now via E1 Entertainment

By Alasdair Morton